April 15, 2009
FAMILY MEALS FOCUS #36
Interpreting the news and research about feeding and eating��

We have spent five months of�Family Meals Focus�talking about feeding the toddler. That�s a lot of issues. Has the discussion been worthwhile? Readers who regularly work with young children will say yes: so much comes up during this period that parents need a lot of help. Those of you who work with older children, adolescents, and adults may not be so sure.

Think about it. Do you have families in your practice for whom family dinners are battlegrounds between parents and children? Parents who cook two or three meals in order to please all the eaters at the table? Parents who have given up on family meals altogether because they are so unsatisfying?� Do you work with children who are afraid to sleep over with friends because they aren�t sure they can eat the food there? Parents who hesitate to let their child sleep over because they know he will stuff himself on all the food he isn�t allowed to eat at home? Do you work with or know personally an extremely finicky adolescent or adult? One who is essentially a dietary cripple? One who feels guilty and anxious about eating and weight?��

Eating and feeding problems in older children, adolescents, and adults represent missed opportunities, often from the toddler period. But getting things on the right track with the toddler doesn�t mean they will stay on the right track forever. Parents have to keep up the division of responsibility in feeding, despite their own issues with eating�and life�and despite the surprises and challenges presented by their growing child. Consider what parents have to learn about feeding�and parenting�from the predictable pitfalls at each stage in development:�

: Parents learn that meals are for them and that their child is being invited to join in. Remember Milo, the child in FMF#33 who by age 12 months overcame his slow and reluctant start with solid foods to become such a good eater? Milo is no longer so much fun to feed. He refuses to come to the table, flatly turns down the food he finds there, and issues orders about what he does expect to be fed. His parents are equal to the challenge. For ideas about how to cope, see the section ''Moves and Countermoves'' starting on page 365 in the Toddler chapter of Child of Mine.�

: Parents learn that maintaining a division of responsibility in feeding is still necessary, even though their preschooler�s new capability and compliance can lull them into feeling it is no longer important. The bottom line is that parents are important. Review the Preschooler chapter of Child of Mine .

: Parents resist being sold a bill of goods by a child who acts independent, thinks he knows it all and seemingly values friends more than family. They find the middle ground, with feeding and in all ways, between being controlling on the one hand and throwing away all control on the other. Read the School-age Child in Your Child�s Weight: Helping without Harming.

Parents learn that meals are about family. They realize how important family support is for the adolescent preoccupied with making it with his friends and, soon, making it on his own in the outside world. Read the Adolescent chapter in� .

Copyright � 2009 by Ellyn Satter. Published at www.EllynSatter.com.

Rights to reproduce: As long as you leave it unchanged, you don�t charge for it, and you include the entire copyright statement, you may reproduce this article. Please let us know you have used it by sending a website link or an electronic copy to info@ellynsatter.com.

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DISCLAIMER: The information contained in Family Meals Focus is intended to inform our readers about issues relating to feeding dynamics in general and family meals in particular. It is not intended to replace specific advice from a health care professional. Copyright 2009 Ellyn Satter

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