ANSWERING PARENTS, AND PROFESSIONALS QUESTIONS ABOUT MEALS: Family-Style Meals

Children want to be successful with family and school meals. They eat well when they feel comfortable and accomplished at the table. Define children's success in terms of mealtime behaviors rather than eating what is put in front of them. Recognize children for their contributions to a pleasant mealtime. ''I like having you at the table,'' is good recognition for a child who isn't interested in eating. ''Nice passing,'' or ''it is fun hearing your story,'' gets the focus off eating on to the child's positive mealtime behavior.

Family Meals Focus #4 stressed evidence of the importance of family meals, Family Meals Focus #5 discussed food-management strategies. Here, we discuss situational issues in orchestrating family-style meals.

What is the bottom line? Critical to children's comfort,and success with eating,is having meals with a trusted grownup. Children also imitate their peers, and are inclined to eat what they eat. Seeing the food, passing it, seeing others eat it all add up to the 5 to 20,or more,neutral exposures that allow a child to learn to like new food.¹ ''No-thank-you bites'' (asking children to taste everything) are not necessary and, in fact, slow the process. Tables aren't even necessary. The key is sitting facing each other and sharing the same food and,certainly,turning off the TV.

Portions: In the bowl, on the plate or in the child? The USDA meal pattern for the Child Care Food Plan defines age-related portion sizes. But policy makers, inspectors and teachers differ in their conviction about where that portion goes. The feeding dynamics response? In the bowl. Children do and dare more when they feel they have control. Children self-regulate best when they are allowed to serve themselves from serving bowls.²

How old does the child have to be to serve him- or herself? Head Start teachers and Child Care providers say 18 months to 2 years. Children want to do it themselves, and small serving bowls and utensils allow them to be successful. Of course, they make a mess, but messes go with children. Encourage parents to put down a washable drop cloth. Gradually children learn the rules: sit on your chair; eat off your plate,your own plate; use the serving spoon, say ''no, thank you;'' use words to ask and tell (don't whine and cry); keep your hands to yourself.

What if the family doesn't have a place to live? Parents who provide for their children by living in homeless shelters are still providing, even though remembering that may be excruciatingly difficult. Children most fear that their parents won't make it. The parent's unapologetic and matter-of-fact attitude eases that fear. Family mealtimes,from any source and in any context,reassure children that their parents, priority is looking out for them and keeping the family together. In the meantime, what can we do to address poverty?

Reference List

1. Birch LL. Development of food acceptance patterns. Developmental Psychology. 1990;26(4):515-519.

2. Fisher JO, Rolls BJ, Birch LL. Children's bite size and intake of an entree are greater with large portions than with age-appropriate or self-selected portions. Am J Clin Nutr. 2003;77:1164-1170.

For more help with managing family meals, see Ellyn Satter's Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family.

Family Meals Focus by Ellyn Satter, MS, RD, LCSW, BCD. discusses trends, research and clinical issues in eating and feeding and interprets other research from a feeding-dynamics, eating-competence perspective. For past issues of Family Meals Focus, click here.

Please recommend Family Meals Focus to your family and friends.

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