Session 2 of the online course, The Satter Eating Competence Model, is about helping families get the meal habit. I addressed family meals before in FMF #25, and in Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family .¹ This time, I got it right for today's beleaguered families.

Clio Bushland, ESF Executive Director, role-plays a belligerent mother of toddlers through teens. She comes to my nutrition office expecting me to give her "the spiel about what to eat. Honestly, I get it! Eat more fruits and vegetables, don't eat so much fat, don't eat so much sugar." I reassure her, "I am more inclined to try to interest you in having family meals." Were they having family meals? "Only in the most loosely defined sense of the term."

We establish the fact that she doesn't have time for "roast chicken and potatoes and vegetables and all of that." As to what they do eat"probably something you wouldn't be so keen on." With a little encouragement, she owns up to chicken nuggets and French fries.

I reassure her about the nutritional value of those foods, then say that the difference is their sitting down together to eat the same food at the same time. The idea is structurefamily: and feeling good about what she provides. Clio perks up and seems interested, but I still send her home to think about it. We part amiably. After a few weeks she is back, and we start with the how rather than the what of family meals.

From the ecSatter perspective, this is a responsible and productive approach to nutrition counseling. Here is why:

• The first step in change is attitude : feeling good about what you are doing. Clio's shame about her food kept her stuck.
• People naturally learn and grow. Clio started by building meals around familiar and preferred foods. Before long, she got bored with the same food and begun adding variety.
• Pressure doesn't work. Clio added on broccoli, then tried to get her kids and herself to eat it. That gave me an opening to address the division of responsibility in feeding . We also discussed how she can learn to like vegetables.
• Mealtime structure is critical. People who eat regular meals do best nutritionally, with regulating their food intake, and with maintaining stable body weight.
• To be maintained, meals have to be richly rewarding to plan, prepare, and eat. Clio may get to the point where she plans meals. She may not. But she mustn't get caught in the food rules or it will spoil meals.

The progression Clio and worked through is Mastering Family Meals Step By Step. This sequence works great in groups, as well. Ask people which step describes their meals, endorse whatever level they are at, and keep the emphasis on structure rather than on food selection. Then let them learn from each other.References

. Satter EM; Chapter 5, Feed Yourself Faithfully. Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family: How to Eat, How to Raise Good Eaters, How to Cook. Madison, WI: Kelcy Press; 2008:44-52.

Copyright © 2010 by Ellyn Satter. Published at www.EllynSatter.com.