Keep in mind, we are talking about the how of eating, not the what. Meals are when everyone sits down together and shares the same food. Meals put the sociability and sustainability into eating.

If it is just you, it is nobody else's business how you eat. But it is different if you have children. To feel secure and to eat and grow well, children depend on your providing meals and snacks at predictable times.

There could be lots of reasons why you don't want to have meals:

• You don't enjoy mealtime food. People often eat meals for duty and eat between times for pleasure. The solution? Eat food you enjoy at mealtime. Food you enjoy is likely to be good for you.
• You don't want to be bothered. If you don't bother with eating, eating will bother you! Whether you know it or not, it scares you to wait until hunger drives you to eat. It makes you grab whatever is available. Knowing you have a meal or a snack coming reassures you that you will be fed and gives you time to think about what you want to eat.
• Meals are a drag. Were your childhood meals unpleasant? Did people scold and fight? Were you forced to eat more or different food from what you wanted? You can make different choices for your family. You certainly don't have to force your child to eat.
• You don't have time. Meals do take time. Would you take time for meals if the food were good and you could enjoy checking in with your friends or family? To devote time to meals, the juice has to be worth the squeeze.
• You eat on demand: You continually ask yourself, ''Am I hungry? What am I hungry for?'' Did you learn to eat this way to address out-of-control eating? Good for you! Now that you can give yourself permission to eat, why not add on structure? Knowing when you will be fed can increase your peace and comfort. It can also let you forget about eating between times.

Are you ready to consider meals? Check out Step two Get the meal habit.

For more about family meals (and for research backing up this advice), see Ellyn Satter's Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family: How to Eat, How to Raise Good Eaters, How to Cook, Kelcy Press, 2008. Also see www.EllynSatter.com to purchase books and to review other resources.