Home => Newsletters => November 25, 2008 • Family Meals Focus #31 • Toddler feeding: A series of unfortunate events
November 25, 2008
FAMILY MEALS FOCUS #31
Interpreting the news and research about feeding and eating,
I have said many times, most recently in
Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family
, that doing a good job of navigating the
toddler stage
in feeding is pivotal for raising a child who easts well now and who is a
competent eater when he grows up.
Family meals
are critically important, and the toddler period can make or break family meals.
The whole situation is a setup for parents: the toddler's ''food intake drops off as she grows more slowly than before, develops mentally enough to become skeptical of new food, and tests limits by refusing to eat meals and then begging for food handouts between meal- and snack-times. You will dig holes for yourself in feeding your toddler,with her enthusiastic assistance,by limiting menus to foods she readily accepts, by playing games to get her to eat, and by leaving out little food dishes for her to graze on when she cruises by. None of it works because it isn't developmentally appropriate. With feeding as in other ways, it is time for the toddler to learn to be part of the family.1
''Include your toddler in family meals and
sit-down snacks
at predictable times, let her determine what and how much to eat from what you provide, and don't short-order cook for her or let her panhandle for food or beverages between times'except for water. Don't ask her what she wants to eat,she doesn't know and she isn't mature enough to even think about it. In fact, she is far too busy to know she is even hungry until she collapses, so waiting to feed her until she asks is a big mistake. Plan menus to be considerate of your toddler's limitations with chewing, swallowing, and food acceptance, but don't cater to her likes and dislikes. Time snacks so she can come to meals hungry but not famished and ready to explore the food there.''1
Parents attempt to follow this advice, get pulled in by toddlers, erratic eating behavior, and create any number of interesting scenarios. Uncorrected, those scenarios distort the feeding relationship, undermine the child's eating competence, and persist into later life. Consider the toddler who hasn't the slightest interest in eating solid food and learning how to eat table food. Consider the toddler falling off his growth curve, who shows little or no interest in the high-fat food his parents try to get him to eat, instead preferring to eat fruit and grains. Consider the toddler who sings a little song, over and over, ''I'm hungry,'' ''I'm hungry,'' ''I'm hungry.'' In the next few newsletters (perhaps with interruptions by breaking news) we will address those feeding scenarios.
For now, consider the word navigate, to describe parents, moving through the considerable learning and transitions of the toddler stage. It would be wonderful for those parents to have someone knowledgeable in feeding dynamics to check back with them every few months, to find out how they are doing, and to help them make modest adjustments until they firmly establish the
division of responsibility in feeding.
Corrected early, the problems are small and the adjustments are minor. Allowed to persist into the
preschool,
school-age and even
teenage
years, the problems become bigger and bigger and the adjustments come extensive. References Satter EM; Chapter 6, The Feeding Relationship.
Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family: How to Eat, How to Raise Good Eaters, How to Cook. Madison, WI: Kelcy Press; 2008:57-70.
Copyright © 2008 by Ellyn Satter. Published at www.EllynSatter.com.
Rights to reproduce: As long as you leave it unchanged, you don't charge for it, and you include the entire copyright statement, you may reproduce this article. Please let us know you have used it by sending a website link or an electronic copy to info@ellynsatter.com.
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DISCLAIMER: The information contained in Family Meals Focus is intended to inform our readers about issues relating to feeding dynamics in general and family meals in particular. It is not intended to replace specific advice from a health care professional. Copyright 2008 Ellyn Satter
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Copyright © 2012 by Ellyn Satter. Published at www.EllynSatter.com.
Rights to reproduce: As long as you leave it unchanged, you don't charge for it, and you include the entire copyright statement, you may reproduce this article. Please let us know you have used it by sending a website link or an electronic copy to info@ellynsatter.com.
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