Your almost-toddler may suddenly - or slowly over time - let you know that he wants to feed himself by refusing eat from the spoon, grabbing at it, and putting up a fuss when you try to feed him. Don't force or play games. Instead, let him feed himself. Get started with family meals, if you aren't having them already.

• Offer safe food to pick up, chew and swallow: soft or easily chewed table food.
• Let him eat his way-fingers or spoon, much or little, fast or slowly.
• Give him about a tablespoon of each food. Let him eat or not. Let him have more if he wants.
• Give him lots of chances to try new food and learn to like it.
• Eat with your child, don't just feed him.

Offer your child sit-down snacks every two or three hours between meals so he can arrive at mealtime hungry (but not starved) and ready to eat the food there. Have your child sit down to eat or drink anything except water. You are establishing the meals-plus-snacks routine of the division of responsibility for older children: Parents do the what, when and where of feeding, children do the how much and whether of eating.

For more about feeding your child (and for research backing up this advice), see Ellyn Satter's Child of Mine; Feeding with Love and Good Sense, Bull Publishing, 2000. Also see www.EllynSatter.com to purchase books and to review comprehensive educational materials that teach stage-related feeding and solve feeding problems.